在風華正茂的年代，我的夢境經常被蛇所困。
那時，大約有半數的夢裡都爬滿了無數的蛇。有時，夢見自己走在一片美不勝收的幽林里，四下里卻到處都是盤踞游移的蛇，嚇得我渾身僵硬，怎麼也邁不開步子。更有甚者，那蛇會侵入我的居室，在牆角邊、地上、甚至在床上和蓋着的被子底下冷不防地蠕動。那是一種鋪天蓋地、令人窒息的恐怖。
後來聽聞弗洛伊德的心理學解釋，說夢中的蛇往往是男性生殖器的象徵。可諷刺的是，在那個乾涸而保守的年代，我對男性的認識幾乎是一片冰冷的空白。我估計，這無處安放的夜間恐懼，多半和小時候學校組織看過的那部科教片《蛇島的秘密》有關。那真是一部毀人一生的科教片，小孩子根本就不該被組織去觀看！當時一同觀看的還有1965年的科教片《泥石流》，同樣恐怖至極，留下了伴隨前半生的精神創傷（Traumatizing）。這層恐懼一直如影隨形。
直到1989年2月27日上午，我從香港的泰領館順利拿到過境簽證，立刻啟程前往泰國。3月1日下午，在當地的鱷魚潭動物園裡，觀賞完驚險的鬥鱷魚與耍蛇表演後，耍蛇人竟扛出一條又粗又長、淺色有花紋的大蛇，邀請觀眾上前合抱。看著十多個各國遊客踴躍排成一遛去抱，我也不知怎的抖著膽子上前去——出於好奇，更帶著幾分討好般的企盼，我伸手摸了一下那光溜的蛇身。 剎那間，那種怪怪的、麻絲絲、滑溜溜、帶有肌肉強烈扭動的未知觸感，在我的指掌間持久不散。我最怕蛇了，它們常在夢中驚嚇我；那一刻我的潛意識在暗暗祈盼：我這一摸，它們能從此在夢裡放過我。這或許真的成了一個轉折點。
後來我逐漸明白「正能壓邪」的道理，在平日子裡不斷累積浩然正氣，才真正從這層童年的陰影裡走了出來。不成想，命運好巧不巧，後來與我朝夕相伴、攜手一起過日子的這位，竟然是屬蛇的！這難道也是一場跨越時間的預知夢嗎？
**********************************
Scroll I. The Coils of Youth: Snake Dreams
During the prime years of my youth, my dreams were frequently besieged and trapped by snakes.
In those days, roughly half of my nighttime journeys were swarming with them. Sometimes, I would find myself walking through a breathtakingly beautiful forest, only to discover that the lush ground was crawling with coiling, slithering serpents, leaving me so utterly paralyzed with terror that I couldn't take a single step. Even worse, they would invade my sanctuary—lurking in corners, sliding across the floor, over my bed, and cold against my skin beneath the blankets. It was a suffocating, omnipotent horror.Later in life, I encountered Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis, which famously interprets snakes in dreams as phallic symbols. The cosmic irony was that in that parched, fiercely conservative era, my actual understanding of men was almost an absolute zero. In all likelihood, this unplaceable nightmare grew from a childhood seed, when our school organized a screening of the science education film The Secret of Snake Island. It was a bone-chilling, soul-crushing film that ruined a child's peace of mind; children should never have been forced to witness it! Alongside it, we were shown the 1965 documentary Mudslide, another deeply traumatizing spectacle of horror.
This shadow shadowed me for decades, until a singular convergence in reality took place. On the morning of February 27, 1989, after securing my transit visa from the Thai Consulate in Hong Kong, I immediately embarked on my journey to Thailand. On the afternoon of March 1, at the local Crocodile Farm and Zoo, I found myself watching a thrilling exhibition of crocodile wrestling and snake charming. At the climax, the charmer hauled out an immense, thick, light-colored patterned serpent, inviting the audience to step forward and hold it. Watching a dozen tourists from various nations eagerly queue up, a sudden surge of trembling courage propelled me forward. Driven by curiosity, and perhaps a desperate desire to appease my lifelong tormentor, I reached out and stroked that slick, bare serpentine skin. Instantly, a bizarre, tingling, slithering sensation of raw, rippling muscle seared into my palm, lingering stubbornly for a long time afterward. I feared snakes above all else; they had besieged my sleep for a lifetime. In that fleeting contact, my subconscious was whispering a silent plea for peace: I hoped that with this single touch, they might finally grant me sanctuary and release me from the nightmares forever. Perhaps that day truly marked the turning point.
Later in life, I finally realized that pure, upright energy eventually conquers the shadows. By consciously cultivating a resilient inner light, I gradually stepped out of that childhood darkness. Yet, by some surreal twist of cosmic irony, the life partner with whom I eventually settled down and shared my years happened to be born in the Year of the Snake! Was that entire wilderness of nightmares, after all, a vast premonition dream waiting across the river of time?
特別感謝 Gemini AI 提供充滿活力的翻譯和文本潤色。
Special thanks to Gemini AI for providing the spirited translation and text refinement.
第三百六十篇
No comments:
Post a Comment